Reading the Twilight Saga is the same as when you’re looking at an intersection and you realize two cars are about to collide. Your brain is screaming at you to look away! But your eyes are like, “I’M STILL LOOKING HELP!!!!”

I don’t remember much from reading these back when they first came out. It was a favor for a friend who loved them and, despite quickly realizing I didn’t like them, when we discussed the series I tried to say diplomatic things, like:

• “Well it’s certainly a unique piece of writing.”
• “Sometimes it got rather cheesy, but I suppose that could happen in any romance novel.”
• “Oh, was I supposed to pick a team? Um…”
• “Yeah, I get what you’re saying, he loves her too much to ~damn her~ to immortality. But if he really loves her so much, why doesn’t he value her feelings on the matter or her right to choose what happens to her own life? My mom says if a man doesn’t respect your wishes then he doesn’t really love you.”

But my only lasting thoughts on the matter were:

• Edward is too controlling.
• It seems highly improbable, even factoring in novelty value, that every boy Bella meets would suddenly want to date her.
• All of these characters are annoying and/or boring…
• Sparkly vampires are fucking stupid.

Now reading them again as an adult I have come to several more conclusions, first among them:  I DON’T KNOW WHY I’M STILL READING THESE BOOKS PLEASE HELP ME!  And then following, in no particular order:

• It is literally impossible to trip that many times in a row with nothing in your path, and I should know because I am the definition of clumsy. (Watch me break a bowl by accidentally slamming it into another bowl in the cabinet, it is tragic.)
• She swoons a lot? Does she have blood pressure problems?
• Edward is a douche.
• Jacob is sweet, but dillusional.
• Bella is incredibly annoying. (But still not as annoying as if the books had been written from Edward’s POV as I have recently been horrified to learn.)
• If I’m ever trying to fly under the radar, I definitely will not move to a town so small that everyone literally knows everyone else. That would never work.
• The expression “making a mountain out of a molehill” was probably invented specifically to describe every so-called problem these characters will ever face.

And now I guess I’ll go continue with my torture and read Eclipse…

I’d love to know your thoughts on the Twilight Saga too!